Ah, just what I needed to watch – Rauschenburg – another painter who liked rubbing things out as much as they like creating things. I know it’s an old film and generations of painters back, but it’s fun the way he talks about it. Check out the way they posed him on top of the ladder to ‘seriously’ talk art…
As I wrestle with the build-it-up, rub-it-out again technique I’ve been using to make the painting I’m working on right now, it’s great to remind myself to trust and enjoy and let go of trying to control everything so much. I lost my way while making this one, partly because it’s a commission and I wanted to make it ‘nice’ (aargh) for the client. Actually, my fear of making it ‘not nice enough’ has resulted in me worrying too much and getting the worry right there into the painting. It went from something that looked joyful to something that looked anguished in a matter of a few layers, done over a few days.
I decided yesterday to abandon version 1 and re-do the whole painting with more joy right through – is that possible??
I believe so. Your state of mind is, well, exactly that – a state – so if I practice playing with that state of mind before I paint version 2, will I have more success at achieving something joyful that I think my client will love?
So, that’s my intention – to affect my state of mind and therefore affect the painting I’m able to create. I’m aware that this sounds like I’m trying to control things, but actually, I see it as an exploration, an experiment. Maybe not as bold as rubbing out Willem de Kooning’s favourite drawings, but it’s a start…